perfectionism vs biblical excellence - a perfect diagnosis

1 John 1:8 - If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. (ESV)

Part one of my first blog series finds us trying to identify perfectionism through typical characteristics.  As you'll understand a little more clearly after reading through this blog post, one of the hardest things for one to do is to actually point it out in oneself.  

Unsure as to whether you're pursuing faultless ideals?  I've provided the self-test below, written by Pat Berg at Bob Jones University:

YES or NO...
 

1. Do you often avoid trying new things because you do not want others

to see that you are not good at those things?

2. Do you usually think you should have done things better?

3. Do you put things off because it will take too much time to do them

perfectly?

4. Do you repeatedly re-live mistakes you have made in public?

5. Do you dislike the idea that you may be just "average" in some area of

your life?

6. Do you often feel guilty because you do not accomplish the things that

you see others doing?

7. Do you feel that you have no purpose in life unless you can make a

spectacular performance or contribution in some way?

8. Do you often find faults in other people or in their work?

9. Do you put off tasks because you do not know exactly how to do them

perfectly?

10. Do you find it hard to believe compliments because you don't meet

your own standards?

11. Do you miss out on the joy of living today because you are so busy

worrying about whether you will be able to do all the things you are

committed to in the future?

12. Do you feel that you won't really be able to get God's special affection

until you "shape up" and meet higher standards for prayer, Bible

reading, devotions, and witnessing?

13. Do you feel that keeping your appearance and home immaculate is

important to keeping the approval of others?

I don't know about you, but simply glancing through that list of questions is incredibly convicting for me.  My bet is that for a lot of my fellow creative people - musicians, writers, artists, et cetera - it's also very self-exposing.

The "trap of perfectionism" is most strongly characterized by a few key traits that tend to show a common, uniting pattern.  Although one might not exhibit all of the below, you'll probably notice at least two in someone who suffers from perfectionism to some degree.  Note that all seem to fall under the grand umbrella of an amazingly debilitating fear of failure.  Let's explore:

• An "all or nothing" attitude.  Time after time, she sets unrealistic goals, and when they are not achieved, she takes a complete 180 in the opposite direction.  How many people have you known who have started a diet, only to "fall off of the bandwagon" with a bite of something sweet two weeks later and console themselves by burying their faces in a plate of cookies?  In this case, it's all about extremes.  Black and white thinking.  This is why we see people in creative fields oftentimes completely lay down things they love doing because they feel like they can't be as good as they should be.
•  Success amnesia.  Boy, do I have experience with this one!  A perfectionist will tend to zero in on faults and failures to such a degree that they will literally forget any moments of success, however recent.  Imagine someone standing in front of you, then suddenly flipping on a giant flood light held in their hands.  You're blinded and unable to see that person, as they are washed out by the intensity of the light.  That's how perfectionists operate - they minimize the positives (ability to see the person) and maximize the negatives (the blinding light), crippled by utter regret.
• Fear of losing control.  It's perhaps a perfectionist's worst nightmare.  This trait can so overwhelm that one might develop a list of rules by which they live their lives.  They will tend to gravitate toward positions of control in order to ensure their own emotional stability.  Unfortunately, this can create great strain in interpersonal relationships as that person may attempt to impose their expectations on others, consciously or subconsciously.  
• Inability to take criticism.  Many perfectionists are unable to take criticism, however carefully it may be delivered.  They will seem to emotionally crumble even when constructive advice is offered.  A typical response will be charged with defensive words and sometimes even an attempt to place blame on someone else.  Although this type of reply can be angering to another, keep in mind that this is a protective device, a way to shield oneself from rejection and disapproval. 

What types of behaviors, if any, do you recognize in your life?  Even if you're not someone who suffers from extreme perfectionism, a moment spent in self-examination can reveal some parts of your spirit that may require a bit more reflection.  And despite the seemingly hopeless, empty feeling that can develop from long-term perfectionism... there is a way out. 

PRAYER FOR TODAY: God - there are some of us that desperately need to dig up some of the deep-rooted behaviors to which we've been tethered for so very long.  We're so tired of trying to keep the lead in this rat race.  We've refused to acknowledge the hurt it's causing us and You.  God, we know how much it harms our relationship with You when we attempt to hide our imperfections, our nakedness.  We ask for Your honest discernment of our hearts and ask You to destroy that which we've allowed mankind and ourselves to build up.  Do away with the facade and help us to recognize areas in which we have been unable to relinquish control to You.  We love You and desire an honest, authentic relationship with You.  Amen.

Next time - "identifying the lie" - understanding why perfectionists feel the way they do and pointing out the underlying cause.